Well today on the whole was a good day, until tonight where we had meltdown central. S got upset for whatever purpose... finally after an hour calmed her down only to have D take a head dive into the wall and end up with a massive egg on his head. After 20 minutes of screaming through cold compression I ended up with an exhausted D and an exhausted S.
Both went to bed and then 5 minutes later I heard sobbing again. Went in and S was curled up under her quilts crying.
I asked her if everything was ok and what was wrong and got the response through that breathless panic cry...
"I am so worried about D Mum, please don't make him go back to hospital? I don't want him to go back to hospital"
And that... that one line broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Not so much for D's sake, but for S's. See so much focus is put on D and everything we deal with that the impact of S becomes less apparent or noticed.
She is such a sensitive soul. When I explained to her that he will be ok, it was just a bump she said "I went over and gave him a kiss on the bump Mummy, I was worried"
I said "Darling, let me do the worrying ok? That's what Mums are for!... you close your eyes, and try to sleep, and tomorrow we will have a great day at the movies, and all will be ok... Just let me worry...I love you very very much"
She gave me a giant cuddle, I wiped away her tears, handed her Mr Bear, the bear she has carried since birth and none other has compared to, and kissed her foreheard. I walked over to D and kissed his forehead and made him giggle by prentending to be asleep and handed him back 'blanket'... His prized satin backed blanket he can't let go of.
When I walked out the room I wanted to break down. These are the times I feel alone and trying to stretch one body between two
S is sad and scared and I didn't realise how much so until tonight. A little angel.
My girl. I just want to cry, but that will help no one.
Tomorrow will be a great day, I am going to make it a great day. For me but most of all for S. Lord knows she deserves it!
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