I woke up this morning feeling like hell... In fact, I actually cried myself to sleep last night. How stupid is that? I know right?! Irrational and stupid.
When I woke up this morning, I got up immediately (This is rare, usually I take 10 minutes to get myself together) and jumped in the shower. I came out, sat on the bed and remembered something that David had given me yesterday.
I pulled it out of my bag (A card) and I read his words. Then I read them again and again and again. When he gave me the card yesterday afternoon I don't think the words actually sunk in. This morning, they did.
I am not going to explain the situation written about in the card. That is for David and I to know. I will say this, it was crappy at the time, for both of us and both of us were right, and both of us were wrong and both of us accept that it is just one of the stupid things that happen.
I am going to show the card though. Humour me and read it (Click image to make larger)
David is going to be 21 in a few weeks. Just 21. And yet I feel the maturity he showed in his words in this card speak volumes.
I don't feel that David is to blame for what happened. I feel we were both out of line equally and that is why it is something that was easily forgiven.
The point I am trying to make is David, who is the type of guy who doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve and who is 'the strong one' showed his inner thoughts, his feelings for the sake of saving our friendship (Given he didn't need to save it as I love him dearly).He went out of his character. He took a chance, put it out there and here I am, crazy in love with my friend and feel that this card alone helped put another little piece of my shattered, fragile being back together.
(Obviously this is David and I)The reason I felt crap? That is something else I am not going to go into details of. I will, however, say this.
My self esteem is non existant I feel somedays. My mother and besties feels it is all days. A fault I have is taking things very much to heart, something which each and every day I am working on changing.
I struggle to realise sometimes things just happen because of unfortunate circumstance rather than something that I had caused. This would be in large part due to the past and events of it.
Last night was just another case of this happening. I still feel very sore today and very down about it and irrationally self loathing as a result of it.
I read David's card, and he knows me and he knows how I work, how I function and how little I value myself. He wrote honesty, he wrote truth and he wrote words I will always remember. He did it all because he loves me and values me.
David has said to me many times "I am going to make you see one day you are fucking awesome"
Whilst that is a long way off, one thing I do see is someone who is putting in the hard yards to damn well try and to make it known he cares.
To me, that is REAL friendship.
My self esteem is non existant I feel somedays. My mother and besties feels it is all days. A fault I have is taking things very much to heart, something which each and every day I am working on changing.
I struggle to realise sometimes things just happen because of unfortunate circumstance rather than something that I had caused. This would be in large part due to the past and events of it.
Last night was just another case of this happening. I still feel very sore today and very down about it and irrationally self loathing as a result of it.
I read David's card, and he knows me and he knows how I work, how I function and how little I value myself. He wrote honesty, he wrote truth and he wrote words I will always remember. He did it all because he loves me and values me.
David has said to me many times "I am going to make you see one day you are fucking awesome"
Whilst that is a long way off, one thing I do see is someone who is putting in the hard yards to damn well try and to make it known he cares.
To me, that is REAL friendship.
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