I Don't Got Nothing Worth Having If I Don't Got You.

So once again it has been a while. The truth is, being a uni student takes up a lot of time... That and my ever active social life = no posting. So here we go again.

The week or so that was (2 weeks?)

I am truly one of the luckiest people around to have the friends I do. I say this often in blog posts but I just feel it isn't reiterated enough.

I had a few fights with friends over the last couple of weeks. Stressful time for everyone I guess and me being me, the bossy and argumentative type doesn't help.

The worst for me (And sorry if I am impugning any of the others I fought with) would have been Andrew. I love this man, he is a doll. He is my male bestie (Addy and Dave don't count here as they are a WHOLE other story ;)). I can talk to Andy about anything and everything, and I do. We have a really strong connection, so much so that people always say to us "Are you two together?"... Ummmm, no! It is NOT like that..... He is married and I think is wife is lovely :-) Amanda knows me and knows I pose no threat. Aside from this, Andy knows where my heart is right now. (Hear me justifying? It should be ok for guys and girls to be mates!)

Me and Andrew.

Anyway, irrelevant. I was bitter at Andrew. Unfortunately the case is he *IS* my tutor in several units (And he is not allowed to mark me) and we let a professional conflict get in the way of our personal relationship. Andy is SUPER sensitive and will never have a go at you, he will go in a corner and cry and not tell you until he is pushed to. And I mean this literally. I, however, am very forceful upfront and it is damn right clear when I am unhappy.

Then Andy made a MASSIVE sacrifice for me... For me... without discussing with me first what he was going to do which made me even more upset because I didn't want him to do that. (On the basis that my issue was not with him personally and as my friend I understood it was out of his control)

Bah, the point is, we had a fight at uni, everyone watching (Gretchen included) and Jenny intervened. I was crying, he was... it was a mess. But then he said to me "I love you... I would never do what I did for any friend, but you are different... I did it for you because you matter more to me"...

And with that, I bawled. To know I have met someone who is willing to do what he did.

I know it sounds like I am emotional alot. But you know, for a decade I felt NOTHING. I lived in a hell with nothing. In the past 2.5 years I have had these AMAZING things happen and am experiencing all these emotions I never knew existed.

Yesterday we had to go on an excursion with uni and him and I wandered around the art gallery taking the piss out of everything and at the end, I gave him a hug and said to him "I am so sorry about a shitty couple of weeks" and then he gave me a big hug and said "I love you so much, and I am never going anywhere OK!... EVER... NEVER!"

Me and Andy Yesterday At The Art Gallery and PICA.

I find it very difficult to trust because of people leaving my life so often, but you know, people like Andy give that glimmer of hope. And he is just one of many amazing people I have around me.

My birthday showed that... so many people there. Each one I love very much for different reasons. I could have invited a whole swagger more of my friends, but I picked the ones who thus far have been most influential... and about 25 were there with me.

Thank you all for such an amazing and awesome birthday. The words you all expressed to me throughout that whole week was beyond amazing. Love you all. 10 years of hell for 3 years of love and support and just incredible gifts of friendship...

But I Need You Here.

Rach and I

My best friend Rachael is a marvel. She is a singer and songwriter who can also play music. My friend Jeff produces music. The two of them have a band and have done for sometime now and are in the process of making their first CD. Rachael writes all the lyrics and sings it, Jeff writes and makes all the music.

Jeff and I

I am a fan of all their songs, naturally. They have one song though that is my absolute favourite.It is called 'Here' and it is a very dark, deep track and it makes my heart ache everytime I hear it. I love it so much and play it whenever I feel in that 'deep dark' type of place. I don't necessarily mean depressed, I mean moments of deep thought, confrontation or should I say personal conflict. Analysing and questioning choices I make and whether I did the right thing... and so on.

It is a beautiful track. I just adore it.
Last night and this morning I think I have listened to it 100 times (Maybe not that much but a lot).

I was in 'that' place. It got me to thinking, as well as events of last night, and has now made me want to use that piece of music in a solo performance piece I have to write and display in November. It came to me last night what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to do it.

I don't want to say what the piece is based on as I am not entirely sure who is and isn't reading this, and when the time comes I will be having filmed and will reveal it. I am only going to inform the appropriate people (Ie: Rach and Jeff, Andrew and Jenny. And then Salmiyah to help with movement.) what I intend to do with it, and hopefully get their collabortation to make it all come together.

I still need to ask Rach and Jeff if I can use the music, but I am confident I will get the go ahead.

I want to hide away today... so for now, here is a blog post.

Back to 'Here'... Which you can listen to at: www.myspace.com/reisentrapp

As If It's Ever Going To Come To That.

Where to begin? I don't know really what to blog about today, I am in a bit of a blank space.

So maybe we will go on a conversation I was involved in today.

It involved the choices we make in life and how they ultimately affect not only yourself but everyone else. What seem like good decisions, and feel right, and are right in some way may actually be negative and we can be quite blind to it.

I know, seems a bit topsy turvy right? It made sense in the context today.

I think sometimes something feels so good that we fail to see the impact on the larger scale. So the question is, do we live in the moment? Or plan ahead? Is there any sense in planning ahead?

Argh you see... Analysing!... That's what I do best!!!

Let's change topics.

Except I don't have much to say. Maybe later tonight?